FL - Schweinsteiger...

Bastian. Schweinsteiger. Schweinsteiger, Bastian. Bastian Schweinsteiger. No matter how many times I write this name, I get the mixed desire to kiss my screen and then throw it out the tenth floor of my building. Yes, this is the one player that I unconditionally, indeniably, indefinitely want to hate-f**k.

Let me tell you, this guy has definitely caught my attention. Usually, the situation goes as follows. I am watching some football game, either Bayern Munchen or the German National Team. Suddenly, I see this player that's running with the ball, and the only thing I can do is sit and watch and admire the way he dribbles and shoots and scores... And the moment the ball hits the net, I remember that this is MY team's goal, and the words: "Schweinsteiger, you flawless son of a...", escape my mouth.

Seriously, he is good. He is so damn good. I watch Germany only because of him (and my mother's crazy, obsessed boyfriend, but that's not the point). For some unknown reason, he has been on my mind this entire week, so he snatches the well-deserved first post from my new series. You may think: "But he's just a player, not a legend." Well, let me tell you something. This is my friggin' blog, so I decide who is the legend here? Got that? OK!

Yesterday, I was on the verge of killing myself, when I realized that Bastian and me had a story. Oh, yeah, a long juicy story, which made me question my sanity for the last 24 hours. Those few of you who know me, might remember that I am a die-hard England National Team fan. And when Germany' lousy, cheating ass got England kicked out the World Cup 2010, I swore never to show any affection towards a German player, no matter if he is a damn football GOD!

So, you can imagine my utter surprise (and following desperation) when I found a small entry in a diary of mine that I wrote the summer of 2006. "Dear Diary," it said, "I just watched the World Cup game between Germany and Portugal. Germany won, but a few days ago, they lost from Italy. I was so sad. Germany is the best team all time. They even have this player, who is just amazing, but I don't know his name. When I find out, I'll tell you. Until then, I'm starting to watch football forever."

I swear none of the contents have been altered in any way, even the poor grammar. My mind was crushed. Not only I supported Germany, but it was also the reason why I started watching football! Seriously? Already feeling as a traitor, I decided to hunt down the son of a bitch that was responcible for this. And after hours of research on the team, I found him...

Bastian. Schweinsteiger. Number 7. Well, God DAMN! Why? Why? WHY? The guy who made my life a living hell in World Cup 2010. Seriously why is life so unfair. I never knew why 7 was my favorite number, but one thing I know is that I liked it because of the amazing anonymous football player from 2006. How the fuck am I supposed to know that it was Bastian friggin' Schweinsteiger!!! Ok, after my life is officially over...

I have to say that he really is a teriffic player. And he is very good-looking too. If my religion allowed it, he would be one of my favorite players in the world. But due to sacred restrictions, I can only dedicate to him the first post of this epic football saga. So, Schweini, das ist für dich, meine geheime Liebe! Ich werde dich vergessen... Ich hoffe. Ah, Scheisse!!!

Bastian Schweinsteiger's Soundtrack (speaks for itself):

After careful consideration, I want to add a second song for his soundtrack (there is no hidden message, trust me... or is there?):

And now, let's admire some pure soccer skills (unfortunately for Man City):

P.S. Please, God of Football, please, forgive me!