Life Changes...

Warning: I'm too pissed off to stop writing now, so BEWARE - LONG RANT AHEAD!

Amelie. I know that people use this phrase so often that it has literally lost its meaning, but I'll say it anyway... This movie changed my life. It's so simple, so beautiful, and so capturing that I can watch it again and again. And it makes me want to believe in something. In something real or imaginary, something certain or unproven, something logical or magical, something existing or impossible. Something. I want to believe in creativity. I want to believe in uniqueness. I want to believe in goodness. I want to believe in love. I want to believe in miracles. I want to believe in angels. I want to believe in happiness. I just want to believe. And I do. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes it all makes sense, and the very next moment things just seem so complicated, and tiring, and illogical. Some people say I'm too much of a dreamer, too much of an optimist, and that life will only bring me pain and disappointment. It may be so. But my dreams make me happy. All the silly things I want and imagine make me happy. All the little things that I secretly enjoy bring me happiness. And in the sweet intoxication of this happiness, I dream. I dream about all things, and everything seems possible. Like Amelie, I dream about love, miracles, magic. And like her, I believe that they are all possible if you take your fate in your own hands. Maybe the Law of Attraction really exists, and maybe it doesn't. As Blaise Pascal said: "I rather live as if God exists even if He doesn't than live as if He doesn't exist to find out He does." This is the very reason why I don't like watching drama movies. There is enough pain already in my life and around me. Everywhere you look in this world, there is pain and suffering and sadness. Why would I want to watch the same thing for entertainment? I think it's sadistic and sick. I know it exists, I don't need to be reminded of it every second of my life. I've had some of it myself, and I think I'll pass on the next round, thanks. I rather watch the thing that is missing in our modern, little world. I want to watch cheesy, happy-ending, cliche-filled love. I want to see miracles happening to people. I want to remember what magic was. This is E-N-T-E-R-T-A-I-N-M-E-N-T for me. After all, I'm just a kid that has watched too much Disney movies. Maybe I am too much of a dreamer. Maybe I will suffer more as life goes on. Maybe I have unrealistic dreams. But I am happy now. And I know I can be happy later. So what is your problem with that?

"Still, true love does exist."

"These are hard times for dreamers."

"The fool looks at the finger that points at the sky."

"We pass the time of day to forget how time passes."

"It's called a reality check - the last thing she wants."

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?"

Thank You...

I just want to take a second and thank everyone who is reading my blog. I want to thank my readers from Bulgaria, the United States, Russia, India, Canada, Germany, Spain, Hungary, and Singapore. Thank you for taking the time to read my silly thoughts and feel my changing moods. This one is for you:

Song of the day: System Of A Down - Aerials (Personal favorite).



Life is a waterfall,
We're one in the river,
And one again after the fall.

Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find it all...

Cause we are the ones that want to play,
Always want to go,
But you never want to stay.

And we are the ones that want to choose,
Always want to play,
But you never want to lose.

Aerials, in the sky,
When you lose small mind,
You free your life.

Aerials, so up high,
When you free your eyes,
Eternal prize

Boy's Life...

"You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Almost everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe.

The truth of life is that every year we get farther away from the essence that is born within us. We get shouldered with burdens, some of them good, some of them not so good. Things happen to us. Loved ones die. People get in wrecks and get crippled. People lose their way, for one reason or another. It’s not hard to do, in this world of crazy mazes. Life itself does its best to take that memory of magic away from us. You don’t know it’s happening until one day you feel you’ve lost something but you’re not sure what it is. It’s like smiling at a pretty girl and she calls you “sir.” It just happens.

These memories of who I was and where I lived are important to me. They make up a large part of who I’m going to be when my journey winds down. I need the memory of magic if I am ever going to conjure magic again. I need to know and remember, and I want to tell you."

Robert R. McCammon

As a background to this post, I chose a piece of music that is almost too gentle and touching. This is the true magic of today - beautiful music. It may not have any lyrics, but it sure as hell doesn't need any. This is pure emotion. The poem in the clip is also amazing. So, I hope you enjoy this passage and poem while you listen to the genious Adagio For Strings by Samuel Barber.

I'm Permanent...

Song of the day: David Cook - Permanent.

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you, I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand
And all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day and so I ask
Oh, God, is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say, it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away, but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand
And all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

Facebook Tag...

I was tagged in this silly "Music Shuffle" Facebook game, but I'm not posting it there.

I thought it would be more fun if I post it here. So, let's see what the iTunes destiny has for me.

1. If someone says "Are you OK?" you say?
Prison Break Anthem (Kaye Styles). What?

2. How would you describe youself?
Knocking On Heaven's Door (Bob Dylan). True.

3. What do you like in a guy?
Call Me (Shinedown). Nice.

4. How do you feel today?
Carnival Of Rust (Poets Of The Fall). Wow, spot on!

5. What is your life's purpose?
Je T'aime (Lara Fabian). Well, yes.

6. What is your motto?
Unforgiven (Joe Cocker). If you mean the lyrics, kind of.

7. What do your friends think of you?
Poison (Alice Cooper). If you mean the lyrics - thank you. If not... You're dead.

8. What do your parents think of you?
The Pure And The Tainted (Blue Stahli). Divorced parents - makes sense.

9. What do you think about very often?
Cherry Pie (Warrant). Oh, God, creepy. This is true in three directions. First, I love cherry pie. Second, I love Supernatural (where I heard the song). Third, I love Jensen Ackles (the song was playing in one of his scenes). And I do think mostly about these things... Creepy.

10. What is 2 + 2?
Hell's Bells (AC/DC). True - Maths are Hell.

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Enter Sandman (Metallica). No sense here.

12. What is your life story?
Space Bound (Eminem). I don't know.

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
With Eyes Wide Shut (Bless The Fall). Weird.

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Burning Down The House (The Used). Depends on how we burn it.

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
O, Death (Jen Titus). God, this is creepy. I'll truly die, if I get married!!!

16. What is your hobby or interest?
Permanent (David Cook). No sense here, too.

17. What is your biggest fear?
This Is War (30 Seconds To Mars). True, I truly despise war.

18. What is your biggest secret?
Life On The Moon (David Cook). I TOLD YOU, I COME FROM THE MOON!

19. What do you want right now?
Cinema (Skrillex). True, I want to go to the cinema.

20. What do you think of your friends?
Kids (Sleigh Bells). Sick! This is so true!!!

OK, this was interesting... Wow, I feel weird now. I hate when my iTunes knows me that well.

Science Killed Magic...

Sonnet - to Science by Edgar Allan Poe

Science! true daughter of Old Time thou art!
Who alterest all things with thy peering eyes.
Why preyest thou thus upon the poet's heart,
Vulture, whose wings are dull realities?
How should he love thee? or how deem thee wise,
Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering
To seek for treasure in the jewelled skies,
Albeit he scared with an undaunted wing?
hast thou not dragged Diana from her car?
And driven the Hamadryad from the wood
To seek a shelter in some happier star?
Hast thou not torn the Naiad from her flood,
The Elfin from the green grass, and from me
The summer dream beneath the tamarind tree?

Song of the mood: From a Shell by Lisa Germano.

Something Personal...

She stares blankly at the empty mirror.
Eyes are searching for the fading light.
Diamond stars burn her skin like tears.
Wind is whispering to put up a fight.

But hear the thunder, gone, now distant.
Feel the last raindrops trickle on her face.
Smell the blooming roses, so insistent.
Their petals open in her smooth embrace.

Darkness clinking like shattered glass.
Rays of light gently caress her black hair.
Dew drops coat her lips like sugar dust.
To taste this freedom is now her flair.

Take deep breaths, smell the Southern wind.
Greet its tender kiss, let it crash the chains.
Her skin tingles as if the touch of spicy mint.
The mirror fades away, it can leave no stains.

And the beautiful piece that inspired this: Eternity and a Day by Paul Haslinger.

The Death of Letters...

Why did people stop writing letters? Letters are such a beautiful, meaningful thing. You cannot compare a letter with an e-mail. Every single detail of the letter can be used to transfer emotion. An e-mail cannot do that. Computers don't have emotions, don't have souls. Imagine you receive a letter. The envelope is made from vintage, thick paper, a little rough to the touch, but still carrying the romantic spirit of the past. You can touch it, you can smell it, you can feel it. And what can you do with an e-mail? See it. And that's it. Ridiculous. When I was little and still wasn't aware that such things as computers could do stuff like that, I always wished to receive a love letter. A beautiful love letter, in a artsy envelope with a beautiful old-fashioned stamp, from the older collections. And the address in my dreams was always Paris. It always came from Paris. When I found these pictures, all of these thoughts just streamed into my head.
Let us all keep a moment of silence to another beauty lost to our "modern" world.

It won't be my post, if it doesn't have a music background, so let us jump once again in the nostalgic mood with Poets of the Fall.

Carnival of Rust

My all-time favorite song: Carnival of Rust by Poets of the Fall.


Do you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need
And taste the blame, if the flavor should remind you of greed
Of implication, insinuation, and ill will, till' you cannot lie still
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil come closing in for a kill

Come feed the rain
'Cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'Cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed
All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need
I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before

Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning

As many of my friends know, I wouldn't be myself if I do not post this song. It was love at first sound for me, and I can say that it is the most beautiful piece of music I have ever heard. Beautiful music, amazing lyrics, and perfect voice, this song is utter perfection. So, yeah, this is just my quick shout-out to these wonderful musicians. I am officially in love with the song.

Ten Years Ago...

Ten years later, one question remains... Why?

Song of the day: Tell Me, Why - Will Smith.

I really wish I could explain it, baby

It's just the world is kinda crazy, baby
Ain't no pretty way to paint it, baby
Don't cry, dry your eyes

September 11th, I woke up about 7am, west coast time, French toast and my
Turkey bacon, taking my time, awakin', turning my TV on
To my surprise, saw what everybody in the world saw
Me and my children, images were chillin'
My son said, "Daddy were there people in that building?"
A cold sweat, frozen with a lump in my chest
I heard his question, couldn't bring my lips to say "Yes" to him
That night at my son's side, he cried and prayed
For the ones who died in the World Trade
His palms to God, seeds and qualms with God
He just kept on pressin' me, wanna know why
Then, one week later our bombs were dropped
We seein' them on CNN, they just won't stop
The infrared images of brutal attack
He said, "Daddy now we killin' em back, right?" Right

Souls are captured
Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken
Evil blatantly rewarded
Hate surrenders, love exalted
Hope elated, negativity is shorted

Why is the bomb always getting the last word
And why did her uncle have to molest her
And why did all them cops have to be shootin' to kill
And why did all them priests have to act so ill
Tell me, why did James Byrd Jr. have to be touched
Tell me, why did Malcolm and Martin departed from us
Tell me, why did that sniper make the little boy shoot
And why does human life is always denied for loot
Tell me why did Mandela have to live in a cage
Why did my brother Sterling have to die at that age
Tell me, why did Reginald Denny deserve his fate
And why the fuck can't love seem to defeat hate
Tell me, why is it so hard for all the children to eat
Why did Pac and Biggie Smalls have to fall in the street
Tell me why did Jam Master Jay have to go that way
Please what am I supposed to say to my kids when they say 'Why?'

Can't explain it baby, life is just really crazy
I mean if it's world wars or the life of a little baby
We got more stores than they got rice under Buddha lazy
You live four scores and still it be driving you crazy
But for me I try to see the bright side
Sometimes it'd be like the goodness be tryin' to hide
Then try to flee, but it can't it's deep inside
Sweetie, you be the light for the others, make 'em believe in God

I Heart Joe Hart...

Joe Hart practicing before the game. The guy has some skills... and some hardcore sex appeal. Is it just me, or does his whole person just scream: "I want to be on top!" Oh, man, my fucked up mind starts with the perversions already, and it's only... 1:30 a.m. JoJo, Kamy, KiKi, where are you when I need to talk dirty?

I'm too overwhelmed with excitement to stop myself from posting more stuff about the game.

And I just found this picture. Manchester United's Wayne Rooney and Manchester City's Joe Hart having fun together at Barbados. It's so cute, but I don't really know whether I should laugh or feel horny.

A Sneak Peek...

Song of the day: Най-щастливият човек - Графа.

Joe Hart (my ULTIMATE football crush - not only he is handsome, blond, tall and fit, but he is also one of the best goalkeepers out there, just pointing it out), Wayne Rooney, John Terry, Ashley Young, Frank Lampard, Jermaine Defoe... It was an honor watching them play today. Beautiful goals, I must confess, even though I am bulgarian, English football is just a weakness that I have. Bulgaria - England Euro 2012 qualifier - 3 goals for England, none for Bulgaria. Amazing night, I am just speechless. Who knew that something like that can make me the happiest I have ever been. My camera is full, my mind is full, my heart is full. I'm going to bed. Sweet dreams, England!!! They sure will be sweet for me!

P.S. England takes another virginity of mine. My very first trip outside Bulgaria was to London, when I was seven years old. More than eleven years ago. Now, the first soccer game I went to was of England. I'm starting to think that destiny is trying to tell me something... :D

Dreams Come True...

Dreams do come true. I have waited for this game, since the beginning of FIFA 2010... which was more than 15 months ago. And not only that, but I'm seeing it live. I'm officially losing my soccer game virginity. And I am pretty proud by the game that is taking it. LOL, this sounds lame. But I am lame, I'm a lame soccer fan. I'm a girl. I'm bulgarian. And I love England's team - Joe Hart, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney... Just sayin'! So, yeah, it's a pretty exciting night for me. At least, it doesn't matter which team wins. I love them both. I'll probably suffer from splitting of personality during the game (like last time), but I don't care. I'm seeing some of my soccer idols live today. Yeey!

Counting Bodies...

I can't leave my last post with no music...
It just feels too... unnatural...
Plus, it kinda goes perfectly with my last post...

Song of the day: Counting Bodies Like Sheep - A Perfect Circle.

Don't fret, precious, I'm here
Step away from the window
Go back to sleep

Safe from pain, and truth, and choice
And other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Go back to sleep

I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself



And don't you dare fucking complain about Supernatural. Yeah, if you're reading my blog, you'd know, this is just the beginning...

Sinful Perfection...

Today (and not only) I had a conversation (more like "commentation") with my friend, Joanna, about male celebirities, specifically BEAUTIFUL male celebrities. Yeah, the ones that show up on your TV screen every evening, looking like some fucking Greek (or, at least sex) gods, and totally fuck up your mental idea of the perfect man. You look around, see what your real options are, get depressed, go home, watch some more footage of your imaginary husband. Yes, I know you do it. You have the songs that remind you of him, you have the secret hope that one day you'll meet him, you rape the YouTube search bar, while searching for videos with him, you have seen almost every piece he has worked on (depending on whether he is an actor, singer, soccer player...), you have him on your wallpaper, and God knows what else is on your mind about him. If you want to learn something about me, change every "you" in the last sentence with "I" and read it again. Why do I bring this up? I'm 24 hours away to meet (or at least see) one of my hardcore celebrity crushes. I suddenly catch myself thinking about some crazy shit that can be worked in a Hollywood script for a chick flick movie, but not in real life. And I realize how fucked up my mind is, because, even though I saying all this, these stupid ideas ARE STILL IN MY HEAD! I'm not obsessed. I completely realize the truth. Chances are as follows: 1% that all this shit will actually happen, and 99% that I'll end up in a pointless depression, at least, until I don't find my next future ex-imaginary-husband. And you know what? I have one more thing to say. Boys, get your fucking asses up, because you look like shit... Just sayin'! That's it, my poker face is officially down. Enjoy.


And if my confession was not good enough, a picture is worth a thousand words.

P.S. I'm not meeting HIM tomorrow, otherwise, I would probably be dead right now...