Under The Influence...

I have this weird little habit. I should probably say addiction, since I can no longer exist without it. A habit is just something that you like to do. In this case I need to. I have my own personal drug, without which I cannot even go to sleep at night. It started many years ago, since I am a natural-born insomniac. I usually coped with it by sleeping late during weekends, but after I changed my school in eight grade, free weekends became too scarse and my insomnia became worse and worse.

I spent so many nights looking for a solution, for a cure. I went to bed early, got up early, tried drinking warm tea, warm milk, I tried warm showers, counting sheep, I tried to drive myself to complete exhaustion. Nothing worked. And then, I found my cure. My discovery turned into a habit, my habit turned into a need, my need turned into an obsession. Now, there isn't a single night when I go to sleep without two headphones in my ears, and my favorite tunes gently rushing through them and right into my head.

However, recently, something very strange started happening. I don't know if it is because of the constant music in my ears or I'm just losing my mind, but I don't dream anymore. Not in the normal way anyhow. Now, I dream stories! And not just any random stories with random images and random feelings. No, these are very specific dreams, with people that are important to me, in stories that make too much sense. Now, every time I wake up I have to think for five minutes and convince myself that none of it was real.

And, unlike normal dreams, I always remember these. Not constantly, but every song magically reminds me of a story that never happened. Now, I feel like I live a completely different life every single night. You might think that this is awesome, but I'm starting to feel like a lunatic, or to be more specific - schizophreniac. So, I write his post as a warning to you. Since I have to find a way to bring myself back to reality, I have these "writer's impulses".

If you come to my blog and see a random post with what appears to be a diary entry, where the pronouns "he", "she", and "I" are used instead of names, and the story is without an introduction or an ending, beware - my mind has probably thrown me into a reality crisis for a moment. I'm going to finish this post with a song that won my heart just a couple of hours ago. It's Bulgarian, but the chorus goes as follows: "Now I am a sound in your ears, the emotion in your heart, little drops of tears in your eyes. I am the smile, and I will be the sorrow, with the song that is touching your soul."

P.S. Since I am not a person who believes in consequences, but in the theory of destiny and that there is a reason for everything that happens, I find it very peculiar that every song I find seems to mirror my emotions at the moment. This song, which perfectly describes my instable state of mind I found, by randomly browsing Buglarian rap songs in a random site, just because I had nothing better to do. Weird, much? No, probably I'm the weird one...